"I'm scared, excited but scared."

-Originally written in 2014-

Recently I got a job! The first job since I had to quit way back when I got sick in about January 2013, also one I've been wanting which is a position where I get to use/improve my baking and cooking skills. This should be a happy, normal, exciting thing and while it is because YAY life progression and prospects of finally getting a place with my boyfriend and money and general well being, it also terrifies me. It's hard having to worry that I'll get comfortable in a job that I've strived to get, I've been lucky to be chosen and then BAM relapse and I have to quit. I have this cloud over my party that's threatening rain and it just sucks. I worry about my bleo damaged lungs, dodgy heart, numb fingers and tired legs, can I keep up in a busy environment or will I be in over my head? People around probably think that when I'm scared I mean in a usual nervous sense. I'm scared for the irrational yet completely rational possibility of disappointment. I need to get past this and I will but who would have thought that I'd still be affected, mentally, even now that I'm out of the woods.