Telling people you have cancer is a strange, hard, painful, funny and weird thing. It's a whole mix of emotions. I chose not to tell anyone other than very close family and friends till a few days before I was beginning chemo, which for me was a good couple of months. I felt it was only fair I let myself and the small group of people I knew it would hurt most to get their head around it before I went and told everyone. I went through multiple test, surgery, IVF and another minor surgery without really telling anyone. This worked for me.
I had to tell some people in work and simply saying the word cancer was like a punch to the chest that griped my heart and choked me bringing stinging tears to my eyes. It's just a word... I had said it before... my dad had it for goodness sake! But this was different.
When it finally sets in that 'wow this is actually quite scary' it breaks you a little. I remember talking to my boyfriend about what was to come and we just got really upset all of a sudden and told each other how scared we were with quivering lips and tears then just holding each other tight and saying it will be ok, but I kept thinking "what if it's not ok?" I'm forever grateful I had him to be through every step with me.
I met and old friend in town and he said "Nice ginger hair" and I just came out with "Thanks, not for long, I have cancer!" I giggled a bit and when I stopped and realized with his face that was only funny to me. I did a thing that became a regular occurrence, I had to comfort him, tell him it was "baby cancer" that I'd be ok and so on. I soon noticed that as I got used to it, telling people started to hurt them more than I and I had to say things to make it ok for them.
It was a few days before I was scheduled to start chemo and I was fed up having to go through my cancer story with people I was telling so I decided that since the majority of the people I knew were on facebook I'd make a post there to tell people and anyone that didn't know via that i'd tell when I met them. So, on the 30th of January I made a post saying
"I have cancer, lets discuss?
I've tried telling everyone individually and I'm sure I'm gonna have missed a few and they'll be upset I never told them, so, here's your opportunity to ask me about it while I feel up to it."
It was comforting to hear people say how well I seemed to be dealing with it, it made me tell myself I was. Heck I even had organs offered to me! haha I really love the people in my life, each and every one of them are special whether I see and talk to them every day or when in times of need.
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