This feels like self harming...

Next I want to talk about something I feel is very important for others out there who may be at the start of their diagnosis/treatment. I was diagnosed in December but I didn't start treatment until February 5th even though I was at a late stage and the doc wanted me to be treated ASAP. Why!? you ask, that's madness. I was told that if my treatment needed to be altered further down the line that there was a possibility that it would affect my fertility and at that point it would be too late to take any precautions. I didn't want to take any chances.

As I said, I feel this is very important because I wasn't offered fertility preservation right away, I has to ask about it and for others with the stress of the bigger things that are you going on you can forget about the little future things that affect your quality of life or life progression depending on how you feel about it. However, if it is essential to your well being that you skip fertility treatment and go straight into chemo, then do it. Fertility treatment wouldn't be worth it if you're not around in the end.

Ok, back on point. I was put in touch with and IVF clinic via my consultant, luckily it was only a 40 minute train ride from where I lived. I will say, if this is a route you choose to take, leave your dignity at the door, your partner also if they're involved. I had my first appointment at the clinic on the 11th of January, I took my mum for support but thinking back it would have been better taking my boyfriend purely because it was decisions we both made together in the end and my mum had her opinions on what I should do but ultimately its what you or both you and your partner want. Perhaps take a friend if you're doing it yourself. The first appointment was information loaded, all about what drugs you will be taking, their side effects, the overall procedure and your options. These options are egg or embryo freezing. I chose embryo freezing as I had talked it over with my boyfriend, everything. There is a lot to think about before you make this decision. How long have you been with your partner, is it a stable relationship, do you trust them and so on because there is a large pile of forms to tick boxes on and sign and in amongst those forms there is consent, if you break up, will your partner still allow you to use the embryo's if you need to? If not then opt for egg freezing. I have been with my partner CJ 5 years, just over 4 at the time and we are very stable, trusting and all the rest, we still talked it all over even though we knew what we'd do.

Remember what I said about your dignity? Well... Also on the first appointment I had to get a ultrasound scan. Not the easy peasy lie on your back and get some jelly on your belly type scan. IVF scans are... internal. Very uncomfortable but very necessary. They show the nurses what your system is like, they need to see how accessible your ovaries are and such. I discovered through this that I have a heart shaped uterus, who knew! This did change anything, just means in future I can only have 1 embryo at a time because if two succeed and I had twins it could create complications, plus I can pretend i'm the Doctor (Who) since I wouldn't be lying when I said I have two hearts. The scans are regular thing, they happen every few days so that egg growth can be monitored. Oh and they're vamps! Each scan appointment will also include blood checks to monitor your hormones.

On the second appointment I brought my boyfriend CJ. We had a ton of forms to fill in, we both had blood taken (they have to check for HIV and such), I got scanned and he had to provide a sample for sperm analysis, so yeah, again with the dignity thing. Top tip - tell your partner to bring their own eh... material... hospital environments aren't very relaxing. Before I left I was give a little case full of syringes filled with hormone related drugs which you are shown how to inject by yourself, all the injections are done the same way, subcutaneously (into fat) into the belly or thigh.

 The first one is called Gonal f , it is a pen type injection that at the start is done several times a day then it is down to once a day. It is a lot scarier than it looks, it doesn't really hurt and it is very easy to do however I was always hesitant doing it. It felt like self harming.

Gonal f

About 3 days later I began another daily injection, this was called Cetrotide. This stops your body from releasing your eggs so that everything is controlled. This injection is even bigger and scarier but it's truly not that bad. I did this for about 8 days.

Cetrotide

The very last injection is done in a very specific time window before egg collection. This one is called Ovitrelle, It looks very similar to the Gonal  f  pen and works just the same. Some people call it the "trigger" injection as it's role is to mature the eggs for collection. I believe the specific time is because the eggs have to be matured enough to use but not released from the follicle. I was out at the cinema with my boyfriend when I had to take mine haha I just casually jagged myself in the dark while watching Django haha.

Ovitrelle

3 days after my Ovitrelle shot I went to a very lovely hospital (Nuffield in Glasgow) the nicest hospital I had ever been to in fact for egg retrieval. I remember it was super early, I had to be there for 7:30am which meant I had to be awake at about 5am to get ready and travel. I was very nervous about the whole thing as it was a small surgical procedure in which a needle is inserted into the ovaries to collect the eggs. The anaesthetic that is given is supposed to keep you semi awake but all I remember is feeling woozy and saying to the room of about 10 people "you must see so many funny faces in here" and going straight to sleep. I was very glad I slept through the whole thing. During the retrieval my boyfriend had to do his thing and provide a sample to fertilize the eggs, this was done in vitro (injected in) so there was a better chance. Soon I was wheeled back into my room ordered breakfast which was eggs royale and then told that 7 eggs were retrieved, 5 of which were mature so only those could be used but all 5 of them fertilized! Our little embryo's were then left to form overnight and frozen for possible future use. These are our little Pingu babies. The hope is that they will not need to be used by us and if that is the case we want them to go to science for stem cell use (ooh controversial I know) 

Frozen embryos

I feel very lucky that in my country we have a health care system that allowed me to be able to do this, for free, fast and in a private hospital. I am forever grateful. I went through a process that would normally take couples years and hundred, maybe even thousands of pounds within about 2 in a bit weeks and for free.